Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The REAL Housewives of NYC

I hated this film. The end. Next article. I jest however Sex and the City 2 did bring in a lot mixed reviews. After reading multiple opinions for the film online, I realized that a lot of bloggers emotions were either extremely negative or extremely positive and there was no in between. The only negative I saw across the board was the movie was way to long. Did James Cameron sneak one on us? It felt like watching Avatar all over again except Avatar engulfed the audience into its world instead of making them laugh at it.

The movie starts off by introducing Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha. It does a brief introduction to all of them and what they used to look like back in the 80s and thank god they changed, Miranda had the most ridiculous haircut that looked like a “post” makeover haircut that Tyra Banks gives her girls on America’s Next Top Model. The movie then continues on to a gay wedding (Saw this coming) and not just any gay wedding, a really gaaaaaaay wedding with swans, an all male chorus and, Liza Minnelli doing a number on stage to single ladies. What kind of wedding would it be without Samantha seducing the most attractive male at the event and doing adult things with him? It wouldn’t be kosher. It was a Jewish wedding too.

I thought, when I first started watching the movie, that it would get to the point really quickly but, this movie dragged on and on with scene after scene of basic low budget jokes. I really did laugh in spite of this, a lot of times it felt like the directors were trying too hard to make something out of nothing. A full hour later we get to the point! Samantha gets invited to Dubai! So I thought and I was wrong and so were you, it was some place Abu Dhabi? Don’t judge my spelling. I never heard of the place nevertheless according to the hotel owner in the film it is the new Middle East.

Continuing on, much like the movie, the girls all get flown to the desert first class to spend a week in luxury riding around in their own personal Mybot and getting serviced by very attractive men (a dream we all share). In typical Sex and the City style the ladies learn about themselves and their relationships back home, while in meantime showing the world that the Middle East is a completely repressed society who treats their women like 5th class citizens. I know what you are thinking, a powerhouse of change, much like Sally Struthers’s.

Did I say I enjoyed the movie? Honestly, I really think it was like a tasting wine: I was enjoying while watching the movie at The Midtown Art Cinema, but like the proper way to be a Sommelier you spit that sh*t out before you swallow it. Thankfully, the theaters location is in perfect stumbling distance from F.R.O.G.S, a favorite of mine, as well as Apr├Ęs Diem. The theatre conveniently sells alcohol in the lobby and could possibly be the reason I always end up with movie tickets in my pockets for which I have no explanation of. Much like my nights of ill foggy remembrance, the lines were long, the gays brighter than Christmas and the hags just everywhere- The designer outfits were out in full force and the high heels could not be higher, but I doubt it was just the heels giving such an elevated demeanor. To me it felt like a red carpet event: if you were in front of the line you felt like Lady Gaga and if you were in the back you probably felt like Andy Dick.

Anyway back to the REAL housewives of New York City, or the over glamorized, wish it was me housewives of New York. Carrie stumbles upon her ex-boyfriend, Aidan, in a market place and long story very short ends up going on a dinner date with him and at the end of it all ends up kissing him for about 5 seconds. Shocked I’m sure you are since the previews didn’t lead up to that. Fret not I wont spoil it for you, but the resolve ends with a diamond.

Samantha’s story was the same as it always is very one-dimensional. She is struggling through menopause the entire film and having sex with anyone who would do the honors of buttering her muffin. Samantha; however, was still the shinning star of the movie bringing on most of the laughs and ridiculousness that is SATC. Our favorite hag, Charlotte is concerned the entire time that her husband is cheating with a beautiful bra-less nanny who turns out to be a lesbian at the end. Miranda is struggling with finding time for family and work, now if it was me I’d be choosing between Absolut or Kettle One, but we get the picture, either way we expect the same outcome.

The product placement was evident and not to far behind. Everything had a label and if it didn’t it was assumed to be designer. The big advertisers were Dior, Blackberry, Apple, and HP among others who made the cut. Even Toyota made a grand appearance in the film and I laughed when it did, when you see the movie you will understand.

The film overall, if I had to grade it, gets a B+. It had a lot of very well thought out moments and did offer a lot of great laughs. The audience participation also made the film more enjoyable, it is always fun to hear a girl call Carrie Bradshaw a “stupid b****!” for confessing to her infidelity. I feel really bad for that young ladies boyfriend.

So in closing, grab a drink, purchase a ticket and watch it with your best gal pals; if you’re lucky you’ll be so looped on cosmos the laughs and length will have you going for hours.

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